Coping With Mom Guilt

.What is Mom Guilt?

As moms, we need to balance many things at once and be in more than one place at a time. The only way to do this is to let something else go, deciding what that’s going to be is where mom guilt comes into play. As much as we like to think we can do it all, all the time, we simply can’t. Simply put MOM GUILT is when we feel bad or guilty for not being able to do something, not being able to give 100%, for making a mistake or for doing something for ourselves instead of our family or spouse.

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New Moms

During the 9 months (let’s be real, its really 10 months), we are pregnant with our children, we form a bond that is so strong. We can’t wait to meet the little peanut, but then once they arrive, our whole world is turned upside down. We now have a lifetime commitment to 24/7 care for another human being. No matter how much we prepare for this new journey, we can’t possibly understand the emotions that come with it. New moms too often don’t allow themselves to have a break, to do something for themselves or the time to continue to pay attention to their spouses. Too often that new baby is all we can focus on and that is completely normal.

My Mom Guilt

I’ll never forget the first time I had to leave my first born to go to a work event when he was sick (nothing serious, just a mild fever). I couldn’t focus on work, I was a hot mess and I basically quit my job soon after because I was riddled with so much guilt even though I left him in the very capable hands of my husband. Once my son was feeling better and I had time to process my feelings and reflect on what happened, I asked myself what were those feelings and why was I feeling that way?

I realized at that moment that it was mom guilt and it was only one of many times I have felt that way. Every time I buy something for myself instead of my children, every time I go for coffee with a friend, workout and put my kids in the child watch, letting my kids watch TV so I can get work done, choosing to be with my kids instead of a date with my husband…the list goes on and on.

Moms Need a Life Too

Simply put, moms need a life too. It is ok to feel guilty for doing something for you instead of your family. In fact, if you didn’t feel anything, I’d wonder if there was something wrong with you. It is how you deal with those feelings that matter. Yes, your children and your spouse should be your number 1 priority, but don’t lose sight of who you are, your friends and activities you enjoy. You will not be any good to your family if you have resentment inside for all the things you don’t do anymore.

Finding Balance

Everyone deals with their feelings differently, but just be sure to deal with them. Don’t ignore the feeling of mom guilt. Be sure to talk about it with a friend or loved one. The best way to cope with mom guilt is to give yourself permission to do something for yourself, your husband and your kids. It is about finding balance in life. Sit down and make a list of all the things that are important to you in your life, then sit down with your spouse and prioritize those things together. By having your spouse on board, it helps relieve some of the pressure you know you are unnecessarily putting on yourself.

Schedule Your Days

A great way to be productive and also fit in as much as possible in the day without feeling overwhelmed is to schedule your days. For example, I put everything on my calendar; free time, library time with kids, cleaning schedule, work, playdates, workout time, etc. By doing this, I can see what things I am accomplishing each day and even what percentage of time I am giving to each area of my life. If this is too TYPE A for you that’s ok, but you get the idea right?

Motherhood Is A Blessing

When you get overwhelmed, remember, being a mom is probably the biggest blessing you will experience in life. With that said, you don’t have to let being a mom define you, you are still you. Give yourself permission to still experience life, both with and without your children. You need some of both. It is also good for your children to see you happy, healthy and independent too. They need to see that their mom is strong and understand you can’t do it all, all the time.

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